I am writing to say goodbye.
I know that we have got to know each other well over the years. We have experienced so much together but things are going nowhere.
I used to be so angry with you. I could never understand why you choose me. You gave me no reason, no explanation, just the label “unexplained infertility” as if that was enough.
You confused me. I did everything I was supposed to. I gave up so much for you. I committed everything to make you go away but you wouldn’t budge. I didn’t know what to do. You were exhausting. You took everything and left me nothing.
You made me feel so inadequate, so ashamed at times. The harder I tried to make you go, the more it felt like you were here to stay. Do you know how disheartening and totally depressing that is?
I feel so cheated. I thought I was special. You had me fooled. How was I too know I wasn’t as alone as you made me feel?
I no longer want you around. You don’t make me happy but of course you never did. It’s just harder now that you have taken all the hope as well.
I know you’ll be surprised but now that I have made up my mind it feels like the right thing to do. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t an easy decision to make, but wow it feels so so good. I feel at peace. I don’t think I will even miss you. I already feel excited about all the things I have room for now that you are gone.
So goodbye Infertility. Hello Freedom.