For most people, Mother’s Day is a day to be celebrated. It’s a big deal. After all, mothers are special. Being a mother is to be honoured.
But for another special group of women, Mother’s Day is not the celebration it is for others. For not every woman who desires to be a mother, is granted that wish. For these women, the choice to be a mother has been taken away from them.
Mother’s Day reminds those denied of motherhood, of everything that want but don’t have. It represents all that they are not, all they desperately want to be. It’s a big, fat, cold, unwelcomed reminder (as if they needed one) of the exclusive Mother’s Club that they can’t for the life of them, gain entrance too.
Mother’s Day unashamedly and tantalisingly dangles their denied hopes and dreams in full view, exposing all the feelings of inadequacy, jealously, guilt and shame that they try and contain. It can relive loss that can seem minimalised among the causal celebration of people who sometimes don’t even recognise how lucky they are. It’s one of those days that brings all the emotion and grief of infertility flowing to the surface.
For all of you beautiful women wanting to be a mother, you need to know that you are not alone. On this day, it can especially feel as though you are. I see you and I want to say that I’m sorry this journey is so hard. Infertility is tough, and Mother’s Day is one of those times when it is all just that much harder to deal with.
In this commercialised world, it’s hard to avoid Mother’s Day, especially when as a woman trying to conceive, all your senses seem to be honed on anything and everything mother related. So, what do you do on a day like Mother’s Day? For this event, you need to be ready with a strategy.
1. Steer clear of anything that highlights Mother’s Day. Avoid the malls, take a wide berth of any places where Mother’s Day gatherings are likely to be happening, stay off social media for the day.
2. Plan to do something nice for yourself. Make the most of being childfree on this day and really treat yourself. Get away, do something indulgent, outrageous, fun.
3. Talk to someone who gets it. This is so important. Get your feelings validated. Feel reassured that you are not alone and what you are feeling is normal. Talk to a supportive friend or perhaps someone profession. It really helps.
4. If you are feeling vulnerable, know that it’s ok to step out of situations that you can’t cope with.
5. Be the gentlest and kindest and most compassionate friend to yourself that you can be. Just allow yourself to feel what you are feeling without judgement or criticism. Be loving and nurturing to yourself and do things that make you feel good. Know that things do pass and you will feel better.