Believing it's possible to be happy after infertility
One thing that helps when it comes to letting go is allowing yourself to believe it’s possible to be happy without children.
It requires trust, faith, and a new version of hope – not the ‘never give up’ version of hope, but an openness that whatever happens is going to be okay.
It’s not a message we hear often. It can feel rather strange at first and a lot to get our head around.
When you’ve been through the pain and struggle of infertility it’s hard to imagine ever being happy without children. I mean really hard. It just doesn’t seem possible. Having children is everything.
Trusting that life will be okay is a ginormous leap. How can we trust when so far life has been pretty damn shitty?
Years of ttc left me disheartened, broken, and with a huge sense of failure. It was grim. I’d wanted a family for as long as I could remember and the version of my life without children was never a possibility.
Letting go isn’t an easy decision to make. If you’re anything like me, you’re not even sure if you should. It’s not like you’re letting go of something bad like an addiction. Possibly those around you may not even support your decision and will encourage you not to ‘give up’.
You’ll ask yourself if you’re ‘giving up’ too soon? You’ve got a lot of skin in the game, invested so much to just let it all go. We’re influenced so much by the stories of someone who got pregnant because they kept trying and are led to believe that could happen to us too. You’ll wonder if the next process or treatment will be the one.
In letting go you’re embarking on a massive life change. The plan, the dream, the way you thought your life was going to be is no longer possible. The whole blueprint of your life goes out of the window.
For me, making the decision to let go was the hard part of it all. I’m not saying the rest was easy – there was a tonne of grief and healing and a re-examining of who I was. It was uncomfortable, confronting and filled with uncertainty. But it was easier than I imagined.
What surprised me is I’m happier now than when I was struggling to conceive. Infertility is the hard part - being childless is easier for me than that was.
What I’ve learnt is sometimes we need to let go of a dream so we can move forward with the rest of our life. Despite what we're told, sometimes it’s okay to give up on hope so we can face reality. Acceptance is a powerful thing.
Only you know when or even if, it is the right time to let go. I’m not going to tell you to do it, I just want to plant the seed that it’s possible.
What if a new and exciting life awaits you on the other side of infertility? Letting go creates the space for something wonderful to enter. If you allow it, you can emerge stronger - a 2.0 version of yourself.
Infertility sucks. No one can ever argue it doesn’t. But it doesn’t have to define the rest of your life. We need to believe that life can still be good, in fact, we need to know it can be wonderful.